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I know what it’s like to think faith is a , not a gullible weakness.I know what it’s like to be confused by the Trinity, the failure of prayers, or Biblical contradictions but to genuinely embrace them as the mystery of God.I grew up in Cambridge, Minnesota – a town of 5,000 people and 22 Christian churches.My father was (and still is) pastor of a small church.My dad and I read lots of this Christian self-help stuff.We shared our latest discoveries with each other and debated theology. He said he believed mostly for the “aesthetics of belief” and his “somewhat mystical experiences of Christ.” He wrote, “In a way, I am a Christian because I want to be one, and the logic flows from there.” I also wrote a defiant email to an atheist radio show host to whom I’d been listening, Matt Dillahunty: I was coming from a lifetime high of surrendering…My mother volunteered to support Christian missionaries around the world.I went to church, Bible study, and other church functions every week. For 12 years I attended a Christian school that taught Bible classes and creation science. As a teenager I made trips to China and England to tell the atheists over there about Jesus. Sometimes I would tingle and sweat with the Holy Spirit.
I know what it’s like to think that what I believe, or what my loving pastor says, or what my ancient book says, is more true than what reason and evidence say.
I thought of this every time I saw something beautiful, and God delivered me from my depression (and my porn addiction).
I read Dallas Willard’s , a manual for how to fall in love with God so that following his ways is not a burden, but a natural and painless product of loving God.
I feel like I’ve been born again, again.reason – to believe, God simply wasn’t there.
I tried to believe despite the evidence, but I couldn’t believe a lie. No matter how much I missed him, I couldn’t bring Jesus back to life.